Mental Disconfiguration

This probably isn’t going to make sense because it might be hard to explain, however I will do my best to try and elaborate on the process. So what exactly is mental disconfiguration? Well for one it’s not an actual word, just something I came up with to try and explain what is going on in the wreck I call my mind. For two it’s what happens when there is so much going on in the noggin area that you can’t think straight. Your thoughts start racing, you feel defeated, depressed, stressed, confused, and you can’t figure out why. Your creative drive is full but you can’t do anything about it because the constant racing of your thoughts are blocking anything. In a way, it’s a state of mind that leaves your mental state not in a configuration, or in other words a dis-configuration. I took out the hyphen because, I don’t like it.

I created this, I guess blog? Website? Post to the internet thing to try and alleviate and align the mess that is in my mind almost constantly. To talk about what goes on seems to straighten everything out, kind of like a messy filing cabinet, all it needs is a little time dedicated to organization and all is well, or mostly well. Maybe there is a word for this that I don’t have, if so, please let me know because I might have a serious condition.

So, trying to explain this might get confusing, however bare with me please.  The mind works more similarly to a computer than you might think. It works of a series of electronic pulses in certain patterns. You think of something, and a pulse is generated, you think of it again, it gets generated again. So with each new thing you learn, you get a new pattern of pulses through your mind. The more you tap into that memory or knowledge they stronger it gets because it doesn’t have time to really forget itself if that makes sense.

What I think happens with mental disconfiguration is that these pulses all start going off at the same time due to an event that happens. Usually with me it happens late at night, you get to thinking about life, then how depressing it is and how alone you are. You start to think of your past and how terrible it is and you look at yourself now and start regretting everything you’ve ever done. You start to make up what life could be like, and how utterly useless life is being a person on a dirt ball circling a gas ball with countless other gas and dirt balls around you. You start to think you are so insignificant and probably have some sort of anxiety attack or panic attack.  You can’t think straight, your creativity is gone and because of that you start to shoot yourself down at how bad you are at something you enjoy. It is quite frustrating.

It’s not like you are confused, I know who I am, I know where I am, I know what to do, it’s just a state of almost depression but it’s like your mind is trying to figure itself out, or figure out what it’s doing. Maybe like a hiccup, but when it hiccuped it was like an earthquake went off so it has to put everything back where it belongs. This is also the time where I am most prone to come up with crazy ideas, or have topics to write about. Only problem is I cant flesh anything out and when I try to later on, I don’t have the ideas in my head.

So with all that said, this took me about three weeks to write because I haven’t had the mental capacity to try and explain it. If this makes sense, great, if not, then I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s a very dark thing that happens, and is very derailing.

We don’t control the mind, the mind is an entity of it’s own and we are just a shell for it’s survival.

 

Climate Change

Climate change is a very touchy topic it seems. Many people saying the science has been falsified, many also saying that it’s true and you just have to look at the history of it.  Quite literally a planetary sized war going on all around us, and I hate to say it, but we are losing.

Humans have evolved to become very virus like. Now before you say “OH BUT TJ EVOLUTION DOESN’T EXIST!” or “HUMANS HAVEN’T EVOLVED BECAUSE THERE HASN’T BEEN ENOUGH TIME!” I am not talking about that. I’m talking about evolution in the sense of mannerisms. We have accelerated technology so quickly that we haven’t had enough time to realize the consequences of what we are actually doing. While we are making strides in the right direction, it may already be too late for us and for the Earth as we know it and we are ignoring signs and other people after they have been telling us for years.

Did you know that we are on a 13 month hot streak? Did you know there has been a 2 degree strict guideline set to prevent a global catastrophe and we have almost hit that ceiling? Did you know this year carbon dioxide in the atmosphere reached 400 parts per million which is about .04% of Earths current atmosphere make up. Did you know that since the industrial revolution the average global temperature has been going up, and with the global rate of fossil fuel consumption that doesn’t help in the least.

So what does the CO2 atmosphere mixture mean when it hits 400 whatevers per whatever. Well, that means there is too much CO2 in the air. Usually what happens is during the summer time while all the vegetation is alive they suck up all the CO2 and give us some Oxygen. However, this year there was just so much they couldn’t suck it all up! No big deal right? Winter time will let it fade away right? RIGHT?! Well, not really, with the greenhouse effect going CO2 only keeps growing and during the winter time more people are using dangerous emissions. To give it to you straight, that’s like parking you car in you garage with the doors closed and running your car till you pass out and die. We are globally suffocating ourselves, and we are just now starting to care when the damage may already be done.

Here’s another thought though. What if it’s not all our doing? If you think about it, now go with me here, the Earth is alive. It moves, it has life, it’s kind of like a host and we are living on the host. When a human gets sick, it heats up, tries to kill whatever is destroying it. Maybe the Earth has done the same thing. It is heating up to kill the virus that is us humans. We are tearing it apart, melting the caps, and clouding up the sky with our filth and the only way to react is to burn us up. When things heat up, things die, food chains break, and we basically go into a post-apocalyptic scenario where nothing works, there is no water, and no food except for whatever we can manage to find.

It amazes me that us as a human race can be so reliant on technology and what people smarter than us say, but then when it comes down to it, we only listen to what they have to say if it is something we choose to care about. Science has been saying this for years, and we did not listen. They are still saying it, and we are only kind of listening. There are great strides that have come out of this. Denmark has been on all green energy for almost a year, there are electric cars being mass produced to reduce emissions, and solar power has dropped in price by over 25% in the past 5 months alone! If we change our ways now, we can manage to stop this before it gets out of our hands.

Climate change is real, it’s detrimental, and it wont stop unless we change.

It has also been said that someone born today will likely die due to climate change.

 

~TJ~

Grandpa

 

I wrote this about my grandfather two days after his passing. Kind of my way of “dealing with it”. I never edited it, I just wrote what I thought right then and there. I doubt everything I ever wanted to say is in here, but there are so many things to say about someone I doubt I could write them all down even if I wanted to. So here’s to my Grandfather, the best man I had the pleasure of knowing, and taken from this world by a disease he didn’t deserve.

On June 2nd 2015 2:30pm my grandfather passed away. I have spent a good chunk of my life, around half, living with my grandparents. He was always the kind of man to do things himself, the manly man, the provider, honest working man. While I was growing up with him he would go to work for three days in the morning, three days off, three days at night, and three days off yet again. First and only job he had his whole life. Never heard him complain about his job, never heard him really even talk about his job other than if I asked what he did at work or if he came home with a split open thumb. He never went to the hospital either, always a “you’re fine, you don’t need a doctor” which in turn everyone that has ever been raised by him has a scar or bone that they probably should have gone to the doctor for, but alas did not.

My grandfather was a very intimidating man (to me at least), you never messed with him. From the second you see him you know who was boss, and when he raised his voice? That would silence a house, or as some stories go he silenced an amusement park because two kids cut in line. He was the strongest old man I knew, always lifting weights or running on the treadmill while watching Star Trek. I have speculation that this is what caused his ALS in the first place. Not only an intimidating man, but mysterious. To me at least but that might be because I never had the guts to approach him and talk to him. I didn’t see him as a “sit down and talk about our problems” kind of guy. He did however open up a bit, and it’s those moments that you knew he meant what he was saying, and if it was advice, you should take it.

Movies, coin collecting, and fishing were his pride and joy, what he spent most of his time doing that I remember. Star Trek was by far his favourite thing to watch. Every time you went downstairs to the basement you would see him sitting in his recliner watching either an old western or Star Trek with a coke in his hand. I never liked those kind movies or shows but as I grew older that’s all I really knew besides cartoons. So I can say because of my grandfather I have a place in my heart for those black and white VHS western shoot ’em up movies. He didn’t just watch these movies only, oh no. He had a movie collection that looked like it could give the Great Wall of China a run for it’s fame. Everywhere you looked in the basement movies everywhere. What I admired the most was not the amount of movies, but how he organized them. Every time he watched a movie he would put an index card in there with the last time he watched it, the next time he will watch it, the rating, the title, the year it was made, and maybe a short description of the movie. Based on how much he liked the movie would determine how often he watched the movie. That level of organization is astounding and how he kept track of it all was beyond me.

The other thing he enjoyed immensely was coin collecting and organizing. Just like his movies his level of documentation of the coins was unlike anything else. He had these plastic boxes that had compartments in them that would be labeled with the year the coin was made and where the coin was made. When I moved out from Montana to Virginia he always asked me for coins with a “D” or a “P” on them because in Montana those weren’t easily found. He of course worked out a deal with me like he always did and paid me more for the coins then I sent.

The beginning of my life is not only just a blur but a big conspiracy where there are so many different stories surrounding the subject that at this point, I don’t even know if I want to know. But what I do know is my grandfather was there. Helping me with my math homework, showing me how to draw for art class, and reading to me before bed followed by a hug coupled with a deep hum followed by a kiss goodnight, maybe even a tuck. He never asked you to help him with anything, you just wanted to help him. He would paint the house every 2 years or so, and paint the garage at the same time. Never asked for help, you would just go out there and say “Hey Grandpa, you want some help?” His response would always be a laugh followed by an “I don’t know, sure”. If I had to pinpoint his most used word, it quite possibly might be “sure”. The way he always said it, in his deep voice and always lengthened the word like a “suuuure” not in a sarcastic way, but in a way where he was pleased by your request to help. I don’t think sure was a word by it’s self with him, he would always look away for a second, say “hmmmm” or “I don’t know” with a smile or smirk then say sure.

Now time for the sad part, in about 2013 we noticed he was becoming short winded and not being able to lift like he used to. So my family took him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with ALS. If you don’t know what ALS is it basically dissolves the muscles. So after that watching him go from the rock that I always saw him as, to watching him struggle to lift his arms above his head. Watching someone loose the ability to do what he loves was heartbreaking. It got to the point where he couldn’t lift his coins anymore. All those years of organizing and collecting gone in an instant. His movies were harder to do as well. We had to sort them out for him and he struggled getting them into the player. Even in his last months he was able to watch his movies, even if he didn’t understand them that’s all he knew, that’s what kept him entertained. Later on he was diagnosed with pick’s which attacks the brain and then latter on dementia and who knows from then on. Once you see a man go from someone to someone who doesn’t even know who you are, you realize then that the man you knew died a long time ago, and you are taking care of a shell with memory spikes. It was good to see him notice and recognize a lot of people he talked to in his last days.

Thank you for all you did, I love you, and I miss you.

Goodbye,

Tyler.

 

Had a dream about him last night as well. That’s what really prompted me to open the document. I had no idea it was today that he had passes, June 2nd. I’ve had dreams before about him, but to have one on the day he passes it’s like my body/mind knew.

For the Love of Language

Oh my oh my, what a mess we have gotten ourselves into. What happened to our language? Where has the love of linguistics gone? Or just the love of language in general? Granted there are some languages better left unspoken, but what of the English language? Probably one of the hardest languages to learn, not only because of all the exceptions to the rules there are, but because there are so many rules in general! For someone who has never even spoken the language before, how are they supposed to know what the difference between when a silent letter is supposed to be used, or when the exception applies in spelling a word or formatting a sentence.

I’m not saying I am the best at grammar, or giving excuses as to why English is a filthy language. However it is only a filthy language because we made it a filthy language. We went from constructing sentences with admirable jargon and speaking with fluent class to being so apathetic as to replace whole sentences with the remnants of what was. We’ve gone from saying “Where are you right now?” To “Ware u at” spelling words wrong, or not at all. Now we are going into an age where we converse with what are basically hieroglyphics.

We talk with such a harsh tone, choppy and not even completing our sentences most of the times. You would think with the internet being as big as it is now, the power of knowledge in the palm of your hand, an answer to any question you could want crowd sourced by other beings of similar, if not greater, intellect. Unfortunately we aren’t even using this technology to determine if we used the correct use of the word “your” or “whom”. I would say on the topic of the internet we should all be rocket scientists currently education ourselves on quantum mechanics and relativity, but that is for another time.

So by those terms if the internet isn’t at fault what could possibly be the reason in the decline of our language? Shall we blame it on the lack of reading actual books? Seeing as sentence structure and complete word usage is constant I would say neigh (pun intended). I would blame the invention of instant messaging. A grand idea, a quick way to send information from one biological being to another. Over the years it has gone from basically writing a small email to writing in shorthand hieroglyphics and incomplete sentences which has then in turn leaked into our every day endeavours.

Clearly not everyone is taking part in this language genocide, but I see it enough to conclude that it causes the millennial generation (my generation) to be perceived as nonchalant and simple. With this being said, every generation older than your current generation sees your generation as a wreck and lost cause. Can you believe it was once thought a group of people reading by the fireplace was seen as poor social behaviour because they though you should be taking part in conversation? I can, because we still do that today, just with smaller books that illuminate our faces.

There is nothing wrong with using slang or being casual with someone, but keep casual in casual context and present yourself in a professional, intelligent way when it comes to others viewing your work. Also, don’t take offence to someone correcting you on your grammar usage, we only try to help make the language world a better place. Something as simple as spelling out words and completing sentences can change the flow of conversation for the better. If we slip up, correct us because that’s how you learn, nobody is perfect but we can get close.

We live in the golden age of communication, yet we seemingly have the lack of ability to communicate effectively.

 

 

~TJ~

Human Mechanicalism

Humans as a race are a very interesting species. We are a species that rely on habits, doing the same thing every day the same way. We go to work the same way, we come home the same way, wake up at the same time, and go to bed the same way sleeping on the same side. Nothing must change or we start to freak out. Because of this we make plans around when we do things or go places when we know it’s not crowded because we don’t want the stress of traffic.

What do I mean by human mechanicalism? Turns out mechanicalism is not a word because every time I type the word it has red squiggles under it so I might as well define it myself. Human mechanicalism is the rut we are all in, the rut that all humans are prone to get into, the auto pilot we take in conversations and out careers.

The other day I had a tire blow on my truck, very inconvenient to have happen. Ruined my plans for the rest of the day. Granted it was the end of the day, but I still had plans. Now it is going to still effect me because I have to get my tire fixed and put my spare back under the truck. It effects my finances because I now have to budget for not just one tire, but four new ones to balance out the ware and look of all the tires. Because of human mechanicalism I wasn’t prepared for this. The rut we base out lives, that I base my life upon has been changed for the next couple months. That dinner at Texas de Brazil will have to wait because of a tire.

Here’s a really interesting part of this. The auto pilot we use in conversations. I really noticed this whilst working in retail, constantly talking to customers and hearing their responses. I say “Hello, how are you doing today?” and they might reply back with something like “Oh no you are fine”. or I might say “Finding everything okay?” and in return get “No thank you” Then proceed to ask them what it is they are looking for, but then they snap back into reality an correct themselves. How about those weird voices we use when talking over the phone to an unknown caller as opposed to a family member or friend? We don’t realize we are doing it, yet we automatically go to these words and voice types. Very odd indeed if I do say so myself.

So what can we do? Well as a self aware species I would hope to come to a conclusion, and I have! BE MORE SELF AWARE! Take a different way home from work, listen to a different radio station on the way home, or actually listen to people when they speak to you, and if you didn’t understand them ask them to repeat. Don’t just assume they said something else, because that doesn’t just happen at the grocery store. Expect the unexpected and don’t get completely rocked if something happens. I know it’s hard being human, but you can’t change that now so get used to it.

 

~TJ~

Automation

As technology evolves and continues to take over our lives bit by bit we begin to wonder where this will eventually take us. From the industrial revolution to self driving cars, where will our jobs be? How will society function as a whole with no human interaction? Why is this a good thing for humanity? And can we afford it?

Lets start with where our jobs will be. In the current state of societal means we have jobs, careers, or occupations that we sustain to keep ourselves afloat in modern times. If we break jobs down by most popular in America (because that’s where I live) we have retail salespersons, cashiers, food preparation, office clerk, and registered nurses as the top five. As automation grows, many of these jobs will be rare to find or gone to the automated machines forever. Especially in the near future when we have self driving cars, which are already on the streets, and once they get perfected in the next two years taxi and truck drivers will most likely not be needed for commercial use. We still need people to unload and repair, but the drivers themselves will be put out of work if they cannot adapt.

Lets stay on the driving aspect of jobs since it will be the one “in danger” sooner than any of these others. We think this is going to be a bad thing, put many people out of jobs and ruin their lives, well not exactly. When technology in factories went from an assembly line of people and to an assembly line of machines, almost everyone that worked in these kind of factories lost their jobs. They still needed people to repair the machines, and people to actually check to make sure everything wasn’t burning to the ground, but majority lost their job. As humans though we adapt, we learn new skills, find a new job to do and become self sufficient again. If a truck driver looses his job to a self driving car, all they have to do is learn a new skill. Will it be hard? Yes, life isn’t easy especially during a season of change, but we adapt, learn, and move on. It will force people who never liked their job to strive for something more, and someone who wanted to learn a new skill to finally learn it.

Now let’s say everything is automated. Our cashiers, retail stockers, software developers, gas pumps, and drivers. There are no jobs available and everyone is now living off of a fixed income from the government. Fixed depending on age, marital status, kids, dogs, anything and everything about your life depends on how much you get on a monthly basis. Sounds pretty sluggish doesn’t it. However this can be a good thing. For far too long humans have roamed the lands working to keep a house that they need to live in so they can sleep in so they can wake up and go to work to support the house they live in, in the car they drive which their job got them to get to the job and home again. A vigorous cycle we do for 50 odd years so we have saved enough to actually live our life for maybe 30 more if we are lucky.

This is not saying that all jobs will be gone, we still have ideas, startups, entertainment, and that is something machines can’t take away. Except if you are a writer. Whatever you think has already been thought thanks to the library of babel. Eventually A.I. will get to the point of out smarting humans, creating their own with their own imaginations faster than we could ever dream. If you want to work, there is always work. Use the new found time you have to learn a skill and make something of yourself. With a new automation comes a new job. But wouldn’t you rather travel the world, sit and talk, do nothing for a week, or do everything you ever wanted? Maybe life will get so automated that having a human employee will be a selling point for your restaurant.

Honestly, I don’t know if we can afford to have everything be automated. How will we earn money? How will companies earn money if we have no spending money? The only solution is to have automation come out slowly. To have something like self driving cars in a groove so everyone that lost that job has found something else to work on or not work on. We can’t stop it from happening so we have to adapt and get ready for it to happen.

Let the machines do the work that we have been doing so we can live the life we haven’t been living.

 

~TJ~

Solution to the Grandfather Paradox

Hello. If you are a future child of mine please don’t kill me. If you are my past self, please disregard this and read no further. If you have hyperlinked through other dimensional means PLEASE GO AWAY. I don’t want you opening some sort of worm hole that devours our very existence into an unknown abyss. Now that we got the delicacies straightened out I would like to share my solution to the grandfather paradox.

The whole idea of the grandfather paradox is asking the question what would happen if you went back in time to kill your grandfather, or maybe kill is to harsh of a word for you. How about just preventing your grandfather and grandmother from ever meeting. Maybe switching out a plane ticket? Taking his car apart so the first time he would have seen her, it just doesn’t happen. Somehow making it so one or both of your parents were never born. So if this was the case, how could you exist?

Well there are actually a couple ways to explain this. The first including the multiverse theory. Basically this says there is more than one universe, including ones that are parallel to ours except with one minor difference. Maybe it was a world where everything was the same, but you had something else to eat for breakfast that day. Literally every choice in life that you have, there is another universe designed for you making the other choice. That goes the same for everyone else in the world.  Some of which are very minor, but what if Hitler never came to power? What if whoever shot John F. Kennedy missed? All these events major or minor happened the opposite way in another universe.

So what does the multiverse theory have to do with time travel? Well once you go back in time you are not in your own universe anymore. It may look like yours, but the one difference is that you are there. If you decided to not to prevent your parent/parents from ever being born, you would be able to see yourself grow up. Some people believe that if you prevent your birth you would disappear. How can you disappear from existence when you are already in existence? You exist. There is no changing that fact unless you take the very life from your body. You have been created and if you fiddle with that creation, you just prevent another you from existing.

Here is a visual aid.

grandfatherparadox

You have your grandparents meeting point, your parents birth, and then the time you have traveled back. The red line indicates where you don’t travel and the diagonal line indicates where you do travel in relation to the universe/timeline.

However this is all going to be apart of the multiverse theory as well as the theory of time travel. So I got to thinking, if you take the multiverse theory out of the equation how would the whole going back in time work. Well first off you have to realize time is relative, extremely relative and is tied to gravity. People that orbit the earth, are technically younger then when they would be had they not left earth. Very intriguing thing to think about, space people age slower than earth people.

So now lets figure out how to get back in time without jumping universes. In order to do this we need to go faster than light. Why? Because light is time itself. Light from the sun takes eight minutes to get to earth, so when you look at the sun you are seeing the sun eight minutes in the past. So the further you go, the longer light will take to get to you. The edge of the universe is, roughly, 45 billion light years away. But you probably don’t want to go that far back.

Say you want to go back in time 10 years. The light, the very time of this earth is not current everywhere in the universe. So once we achieve faster than light speed, or achieve this by the use of a worm hole, we need to go 10 light years away from earth in a very short period of time. Since the light from the earth is just now reaching this point from 10 years ago current earth time you have now achieved time travel to the past. Only problem with this is you now have no effect over the earth. You are so far away your presence doesn’t even matter. The only way I can currently think to nullify this is to achieve faster than light speed without the consequences of relativity. As I write this I came to the conclusion that using a wormhole or tear is space would be useless because going back the light from earth would go back to being current unless you use some sort of “warp drive” to keep your time current within the “bubble” of your spacecraft.

As an unfinished thought I end my solutions to the grandfather paradox. Using time space to your advantage can also be a disadvantage. Maybe there is something I left out or something that wasn’t quite on point. That is why this is an exhaust of my mind. Meant to rummage through the thoughts and see what comes out, confusing or not it makes sense to me.

 

~TJ~

Internal Consciousness

There are three main types of consciousness, at least that I know of, that your mind is classified when in certain states.  You have your subconscious which is a state your mind is in when you are asleep.  Then you have conscious, when you are awake and aware of everything going on around you.  Finally the third level is superconscious which is a heightened state of mind that I can only understand as a meditative state of clarity.

With all that said you may have noticed internal consciousness wasn’t in there. Well, turns out I may have invented it. Only other reference to it I can find is on some ask yahoo answers or whatever that place of infected information is called.  Speaking of which, the best answer they had was how each cell had it’s own mind, and each organ had it’s own consciousness.  Well, no, that’s not what I had in mind.  What I had in mind what as a person how you see life itself. How you personally experience each and every event that takes place, and how your perceive those events.

When I say I want to learn more about internal consciousness I want to learn more about how the world of the ill is viewed. How does someone with autism see the world.  I am aware their mind is stuck in a child like state unable to progress and mature, but what do they know? What stops them? How to they perceive life?, and probably more importantly do they know they have this disease? I would say they don’t know. But I am unsure how they would react if you told them.

Take a 30 year old with a severe case of autism and tell him he is sick with this disease.  How will he react? Will he want to know more? Will he have a sudden enlightenment causing something in his mind to “click” and cause more questioning?  I am not sure honestly. I’ve done some research on the subject and it seems most question how they were diagnosed or asked what it was.  I also read another blog that someone wrote titled “My Story: Being Diagnosed with Autism as an Adult”. In the post they were able to realize something was off, strange, and wondered why they weren’t diagnosed as a child.  They referred to themselves as a high functioning autistic which makes me think this situation isn’t extreme enough to the point I am trying to get across.

Maybe take away the autism and replace it with Alzheimer’s. A terrible disease causing extreme memory loss and other mental functions.  A person can be talking with you about a person and the next day not remember the persons name or even recognize them in a photo. You can try and tell them but nothing will jolt the memory. Now how does this person feel on the inside. Are they aware of their situation? Do they always feel lost and confused? Well, I guess they do since everyday is a brand new day of life for them.

So take yourself to have aspergers/autism or another mental illness that prevents development. You go through life doing what you are told, trying to learn all you can, but you were never told you had an illness.  What prevents you from realizing that you are different?  Is it the lack of awareness of the people around you due to the infant nature of the mind? Possibly. However take “Flowers for Algernon” into consideration. A play about a mentally ill man who takes part in a science experiment to cure his illness. *SPOILER ALERT* his illness is kind of cured.  I say kind of because he begins learning at a very accelerated rate as his mind grows and grows. He eventually becomes a genius and starts researching his own project and finds out he is going to degrade back to his previous state, then die. But when he goes back to his previous state he had no idea what he went through.

I always seem to think those that cannot mentally advance past a certain point see themselves as the same level of functionality as the rest of us and are oblivious to their own understanding. I often think “you know, what if I have a mental disability but I cannot realize it because of how I perceive myself”. No one else seems to realize this until they are told, and when they are told one of two things happens. They either accept it and live with it, or they essentially laugh it off and forget about it.

All in all internal consciousness is the state of the mind from the eyes of the beholder. How I see MY world. How I see MY colours, how I see into MY mind and view MY dreams. How the conversations play out and how your thoughts drift.

 

~TJ~

18 Going on 21

It’s amazing how little we change in the beginning years of life. Yes we learn a lot and grow, but we are children for a long time, emotionally that is.  I was thinking and decided I would segment age groups into, well, age groups.

0-2 Baby – In this stage of life you pretty much learn how to be a human. You learn to walk, talk, and right from wrong. Also known as the beginning of the “terrible twos”. Although this is entirely arbitrary.

3-5 Toddler – I would classify toddler different from baby just on the sole fact of education.  At this point in the child’s life they are most likely in some sort of school, preschool is more or less what they are in. They can be called other things, however preschool is the most common.

5-14 Kid – At this point, you are a kid. Just a school going, manner learning, run of the mill kid. All the time in the world filled with the hope life treats your right.  I go to 14 just because the “teenager syndrome” seems to start to set in at about 15. The age group where the adults go “oh this generation doesn’t do anything like we did”

15-19 Teenager – Some would say only go to 18 because by that point you are an adult by law. However “by law” is a very foggy term anyways because almost anyone can be tried as an adult in court if you do something against the law. I think if you are treated as an adult you are considered an adult.

20 and up: Adult – At this point you are an adult. You pay taxes, pay bills, and are on your own in the world.  Free to do as you please with no repercussions other then what happens when you break the law.  Nothing can stop you from doing what you want, but you can seriously regret your decision making.

So why the list? Pretty much a classification on change.  You are pretty much the same person from a baby to a kid, and from a kid to mid teens, and are a teenager to you decide to buck up and be an adult.  Looking back at my life I noticed I didn’t change according to the list. I considered myself mature for my age and not doing the radical things kids in my age group were doing.  It just never appealed to me. At the age I am now I changed to most from 18 to 21. Those three years I seemingly learned more than I did the rest of my life.

I would say even though going from 18 to 21 is an extremely short period of time in life, it is the most valuable. It may seem like a big gap, but that’s only 3 years. It boggles my mind thinking how in only 3 years I could change so much as a person

Not only did I learn a lot about life in general, not necessarily educationally related, but maturity as well.  Caring about different things is what changed the most. At 18 I couldn’t have cared less who went into a political office.  “Oh, it wont effect me” I would say, blatantly disregarding everything my adult peers would tell me.  I would try to care, but it was boring to me.  Then at 21 I saw how it mattered, and I actually started to care, I started to understand more.

Caring.  It was an emotion I didn’t fully understand. Nothing appealed to me, nothing held value. The world was dark, and anything I did was futile.  Sentiment wasn’t something I was fond of either.  You have an item that is only worth something to you. If you tried to sell said item you would have a hard time because of “feelings”.  Still a foreign concept to me but I understand why it exists and how to overcome if you lose or the item breaks. Oddly enough it’s from Buddhism and the quote roughly goes

     “You see this goblet? For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”

This is the quote that distinguished sentiment from everything else.  Attitude towards life can be hard. Take life a day at a time, look at your past self to quicker mature yourself in the future, and all in all be the best you can be. If you are young now you will understand later, no matter how much you defy and say the change from now till later wont be much. You will be wrong.  You can say nay to that, but just know.  I called it.

 

~TJ~