Internal Consciousness

There are three main types of consciousness, at least that I know of, that your mind is classified when in certain states.  You have your subconscious which is a state your mind is in when you are asleep.  Then you have conscious, when you are awake and aware of everything going on around you.  Finally the third level is superconscious which is a heightened state of mind that I can only understand as a meditative state of clarity.

With all that said you may have noticed internal consciousness wasn’t in there. Well, turns out I may have invented it. Only other reference to it I can find is on some ask yahoo answers or whatever that place of infected information is called.  Speaking of which, the best answer they had was how each cell had it’s own mind, and each organ had it’s own consciousness.  Well, no, that’s not what I had in mind.  What I had in mind what as a person how you see life itself. How you personally experience each and every event that takes place, and how your perceive those events.

When I say I want to learn more about internal consciousness I want to learn more about how the world of the ill is viewed. How does someone with autism see the world.  I am aware their mind is stuck in a child like state unable to progress and mature, but what do they know? What stops them? How to they perceive life?, and probably more importantly do they know they have this disease? I would say they don’t know. But I am unsure how they would react if you told them.

Take a 30 year old with a severe case of autism and tell him he is sick with this disease.  How will he react? Will he want to know more? Will he have a sudden enlightenment causing something in his mind to “click” and cause more questioning?  I am not sure honestly. I’ve done some research on the subject and it seems most question how they were diagnosed or asked what it was.  I also read another blog that someone wrote titled “My Story: Being Diagnosed with Autism as an Adult”. In the post they were able to realize something was off, strange, and wondered why they weren’t diagnosed as a child.  They referred to themselves as a high functioning autistic which makes me think this situation isn’t extreme enough to the point I am trying to get across.

Maybe take away the autism and replace it with Alzheimer’s. A terrible disease causing extreme memory loss and other mental functions.  A person can be talking with you about a person and the next day not remember the persons name or even recognize them in a photo. You can try and tell them but nothing will jolt the memory. Now how does this person feel on the inside. Are they aware of their situation? Do they always feel lost and confused? Well, I guess they do since everyday is a brand new day of life for them.

So take yourself to have aspergers/autism or another mental illness that prevents development. You go through life doing what you are told, trying to learn all you can, but you were never told you had an illness.  What prevents you from realizing that you are different?  Is it the lack of awareness of the people around you due to the infant nature of the mind? Possibly. However take “Flowers for Algernon” into consideration. A play about a mentally ill man who takes part in a science experiment to cure his illness. *SPOILER ALERT* his illness is kind of cured.  I say kind of because he begins learning at a very accelerated rate as his mind grows and grows. He eventually becomes a genius and starts researching his own project and finds out he is going to degrade back to his previous state, then die. But when he goes back to his previous state he had no idea what he went through.

I always seem to think those that cannot mentally advance past a certain point see themselves as the same level of functionality as the rest of us and are oblivious to their own understanding. I often think “you know, what if I have a mental disability but I cannot realize it because of how I perceive myself”. No one else seems to realize this until they are told, and when they are told one of two things happens. They either accept it and live with it, or they essentially laugh it off and forget about it.

All in all internal consciousness is the state of the mind from the eyes of the beholder. How I see MY world. How I see MY colours, how I see into MY mind and view MY dreams. How the conversations play out and how your thoughts drift.

 

~TJ~

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